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Don’t Get Caught in the Race!
This is a wonderful essay by a gym mom reflecting on her daughter’s gymnastics journey. It’s a great read and a wonderful reminder that rushing kids through the process often leads to them losing the joy that is inherent to why they began gymnastics in the first place.
The Marathon Gymnast
As a mother of a level 7 competitive gymnast, I sometimes find myself trying to figure out when she will make it to level 10- the highest level before Elite. You see when she first started out she was on level 4 (where a lot of girls start), and improved very quickly. I saw other girls her age skipping levels and thought, “hey, maybe she should skip too, she has the skills”. Then I found myself comparing my daughter with other girls her age to see where they are at. It started to get out of hand when you find yourself talking to other moms and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is “what level is she at? how old is she? is she moving up this year?” I was getting sucked into the race where the race was more about who can get to level 10 the quickest, and not so much about process to get there and the mindset of building endurance, keeping the balance, and finishing strong.
The part that scares me is my daughter lives in that race to get to level 10 because the girls are so focused on levels (and not the process) that they lose the real meaning of what the race is all about. So I stepped back and looked at it from a different perspective. My job as a parent is not to push her to get in front before the others but support her in the present moment. It’s one thing to have goals and strive to achieve them, but another to lose focus on the task at hand to get you there. If I don’t teach her to breathe, stay focused, about grit, and other empowering tools she will need then.. will she burn out and give up long before the race is over?
I recently read a staggering statistic from the National Alliance of Sports that showed 70% of kids will quit sports before they turn 13. I thought “WOW!” The survey concluded that the number one reason why they quit is because it is no longer fun. What they enjoyed about their sport, i.e. gymnastics at levels 3/4 is totally different at levels 9/10 which requires much more time, effort and focus. In the beginning it was all about having fun as everything was new, and it was so exciting to get to the next skill. Most parents didn’t need to push because they didn’t have too. They were excelling on their own and were beaming. Then somewhere along the way the pressure got more intense as the skills got harder and took longer to achieve. Isn’t that the same at the beginning of a marathon? your adrenaline is pumping as the race begins and you are full of energy. The energy of the other runners pump you with excitement as you begin the journey together.
Then about half way through you notice that there are greater distances between you and the person in front of you and behind you. It isn’t crowded anymore and you begin to notice people on the sidelines falling behind. Your mind races with thoughts of.. “what if I can’t make it, what if everyone passes me and I can’t keep up..what if I quit right now!”
As thoughts swirl through your head of the reasons why you should stop your body keeps going. Then another thought floats through your head and you tell it to STOP! you start to focus back on your breath and think about the reasons why you are here and you will not quit. You think, I can and I will finish and you push yourself to go further leaving the negative thoughts behind you and focus in the moment (the only thing you really have control over).
Sure there are many legit reasons to quit, your body starts to hurt, you can’t breathe, you get injured. It happens and it happens to the best. The one thing that young gymnasts don’t realize is that the race is long and it is so much more than skills they are acquiring as they move up in levels or in the case of the marathon runner gaining momentum and pushing to go farther. They gain mental toughness, confidence, grit, courage, trust, faith, focus, determination, patience, perseverance and respect. They learn how to work together as a team to support one another, they learn compassion and kindness toward their fellow athletes (especially when one gets hurt), their coaches, and so many other wonderful lessons.
The race is long, there is no need to rush because in life some lessons just take longer to learn than others and that’s ok. They say that a lesson keeps on repeating itself until it is learned, then you can move on. This is a race that an athlete has with themselves not only in their sport but throughout all life stages and a parent pushing them before they are ready never works. They must fall down, they must fail, be disappointed and they must also learn how to get back up and get back in the race. Sure we can encourage and empower however, they themselves must walk their path. In the end, we are here to guide them and send them off into the world. So instead of wondering when she will make it to level 10 (and she may not ever make it and I am OK with that), I am going to sit back and watch her and enjoy the moment. It is her sport, her journey, and wherever it takes her the lessons learned along the way are much more valuable then striving to get somewhere before it’s time.
Follow Jodi www.Goldmedalmoms.com
JAG GYM Blog 
Thank you so much for reposting 🙂 I am glad it resonates with so many
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Thank YOU for writing such a heart-felt and personal essay! I want to hire you to sit in parent observation areas across the country to spread your wisdom…just kidding…sorta! 😉 Your kiddo is a lucky one to have such a sensible mama and will enjoy the sport on her own terms which is such a great gift you are giving her. So, go you!
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haha… Instead of a mystery shopper…the mystery bleacher creature 😉 … you never know when she will show up! lol. and Thank you it means a lot. She’s still in the race, I just have to pull back her reigns from time to time without getting sucked in myself ;).. one day at a time
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Great article. I think changing the language to say it isn’t a race at all would be helpful. Not a race. At. All. My daughter just chose to change sports. She didn’t quit but has been called a quitter. She knows herself better than anyone. She changed sports for a variety of reasons, including the pressure she put on herself and imagined others were putting on her, the amount of time in the gym and the constant comparisons with other kids. Most of all, she changed sports because it isn’t a race, it’s a journey and her journey is to new and different destinations. I always imagined how hard it would be for ME if she changed sports and have to say it has definitely been harder for me to let go than her. There are also many things I don’t miss…and those conversations about levels and who knows what are on the top of the list.
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Great feedback, Janet! Please consider sharing this blog with your daughter who is NOT a quitter: https://annejosephson.wordpress.com/2014/09/29/the-difference-between-quitting-and-ending/
It is often harder for us as parents to let go of our children moving though their stages of childhood…including when that stage means leaving gymnastics behind. A great topic for a future blog!
Thanks for reaching out!
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Oh I like that article even better. She has moved on to aeriel sports and track. Loving both and gymnastics prepared her well to excel, again.
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What a great post! My soon-to-be 17 year old daughter has been a Level 10 for 3 years now–and these last three years have been punctuated by season-ending injuries (in March of 2013 and 2014, respectively) and a season-preventing hip surgery (in January of this year). These last three frustrating years of managing injuries came on the heels of what had been a pretty successful club career. She had only repeated a level once–Level 8 when she was 12, and more at her behest than her coaches. Since starting competition at age 7, she’d never had an injury. Her club career had seen each season typically end with a great showing at State meet, and once she got to Level 8, Region 8 Regional Meets, and by the time she was competing Level 9 (at age 13), she was dominating most regular season meets and went on to win 2 silver medals and notch an 8th place finish in the AA at Eastern Nationals (even after an uncharacteristic fall on floor). And THEN…Level 10. And a complete inability to FINISH a season, let alone finish strong.
I share all of this,as I often do with the newer gym moms in our gym, to make the point that this sport is a journey, and it can most definitely be a marathon. It is long, and arduous, and there will be times when the athlete feels a second-wind and tremendous growth, but there will also be times when she (and the family!) has lost the will or ability to keep stride. There are so many peaks and valleys in any sport, but I think gymnastics has more than most. Even a girl who seems like she’s always on an upward trajectory can be challenged, delayed and even retired by things beyond her control. And I agree with Janet–participation in the sport is not necessarily a “race.” While marathon is a great analogy for the journey that my daughter has been on, every athlete doesn’t stay with the sport to the same goal or finish line. My daughter will sign her letter of intent this November to compete for NC State as part of the Wolfpack’s 2016 Recruiting Class. She established that as her goal around Level 8 or so, she’s still excited about the sport, and she’s the kind of athlete that will thrive on D1 competition and not care that being a student-athlete will cost her other aspects of the college experience. But that’s not for every athlete. She has had many teammates, who were wonderful gymnasts, choose to leave gymnastics along the way for different reasons–several at Level 5, a few more after Level 7, and even more during the upper Optional Levels of 9-10. Many of those teammates have gone on to excel in dance and soccer or other non-athletic pursuits like theater and drama.
The important thing is to remind each girl of all that she’s accomplished, overcome, mastered, and endured. These athletes, at any level, but particularly those who trained and competed for a number of years, have acquired a grit, determination and self-discipline that will serve them well in all of their future endeavors. And as an older gym mom, as I near the end of the club gymnastics journey, I encourage all gym moms to do exactly what Jodi suggests–just celebrate your athlete…from the little victories, to the big skill jumps…that first back handspring on the floor…the first time that giant makes it all the way around the bar (and you can finally stop holding your breath)…to the awe (and panic) you’ll feel when she nails her first double-back on floor. And if those big skills never come, you’ll have plenty to celebrate in her commitment, her joy, and her confidence that her body is strong and wonderfully made (and HOPE that that feeling stays with her always). Whatever it is…Enjoy. That. Moment. It is so fleeting.
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As a former collegiate gymnastics I can’t tell you how correct you are in your realization! I was a late bloomer and my best competitive years were spent competing in college gymnastics. It was a long journey, but one I would never trade! The love for the sport is the most important thing, always and in every sport!! In this age parents are so competitive they forget the true meaning and importance behind the lessons and values a sport teaches.
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GREAT POST REALLY I LIKED IT
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Reblogged this on smallwondersgym.
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